This week I was thinking about my youngest child, my son who is almost 18. He is a big guy, well over 6 feet tall. And he is a great kid.
While I was basking in what a wonderful young man he has turned out to be, I started thinking about what else did he need to know before he ventures out into manhood. There are a lot of things he will need to know that I can not teach him. A lot of things that life itself will teach him. But is there anything else that he can learn from me?
I always said I was not only raising a man, I was raising a husband. My son can cook better than I can. He knows how to do house cleaning. I do need to work on laundry skills with him but that's another story.
On a deeper level, though I wonder if he understands and knows how to treat women. The obvious answer would be yes. I have taught him manners. He has lived with his 2 sisters and myself all his life. He should understand women.
However, women are mysterious creatures. We often expect men to "just know" how we want to be treated. We expect our men to be psychic and in tune to our needs. Frankly a lot of men are not that deep. They aren't walking around all day trying to figure out what their wife is needing at any given moment.
So to finally get to my point, I decided to come up with 7 things I want my son to know about women. Particularly the woman he will be interested in romantically.
1-Be her friend. I can not tell you how many times when I was young and in the dating world, the guy I dated would just be after one thing. It felt like a constant wrestling match. I wanted someone to be interested in me as a friend as well as a lover. A woman wants to be able to talk to her man as a friend and soul mate. Of course, he can not and should not replace her girlfriends but there should be more than just hormones between them.
2-Have good manners. Despite women's lib, most women still appreciate having the door opened for them, their chair pulled out, etc. I am not some delicate little southern belle. I have been known to hold doors open for men. It's just common courtesy. Manners mean a lot no matter what gender is performing them.
Here is an example of what I mean. Last week, I had a business luncheon with a very nice man who had atrocious manners. We met at a coffee shop. He went in first and the door practically slammed in my face. We sat down and when the waitress came to take the orders, she looked to me first. But before I could even open my mouth, this man gave his order. The waitress gave me a sympathetic look and I wanted to scream out "he's not mine! This is just a business lunch". Oh, I decided not to business with this man. Can you guess why?
3-Give your lady little surprises from time to time. It does not need to be expensive. A wild flower, a little note where she will find it when you are not around. Just anything that lets her know that you thinking of her and she is special.
4-Do not be a wimp. Women do not respect men who let them walk all over them. I do believe part of the fault here is thanks to Women's Lib (please don't flame me, I'm all for equal rights, I just think in some ways, things are worse thanks to WL). Men aren't sure who or what they are supposed to be. No woman wants a man who lets, or makes (by default) her make all the decisions. I am not saying the man should run over the feelings of the woman either. There is a healthy balance.
An example of what I mean here is most men I have dated will ask "what do you want to do?" I will usually respond, "I don't know what do you want to do?" and so the cycle goes. A better thing for the guy to do is call with an actual plan and say something like "Hey, I was thinking I'd like to see such and such concert. Would you like to go with me? Or do you have something you'd like to do instead?"
5-Giver her honor, respect and be interested and supportive in her accomplishments. I can not tell you how much this means to a woman. A woman wants to feel that her man is behind her and supporting her.
An example of this is recently, a male friend was interested in what I was doing on the web. So I sent him links to my website and blog. He called me later to tell me how proud he was of me and all I had accomplished. I was so touched, that I got a lump in my throat and couldn't answer for a minute. It meant so much to me that he had acknowledged my accomplishments and was proud of me. A little of this will go a long way with your lady!
6-This was touched on in earlier points but let her into your world. And be interested in hers. There's an old Billy Joel song called "Tell her about it". Listen to it. It has good advice.
7-Finally, this goes more for married couples. Do not sit around like a couch potato all day while your wife is taking care of the house, the kids, the pets, probably a job or business and a hundred other things a woman has to deal with on a daily basis. Yes, I know you work hard but I can almost guarantee, she has worked much harder. And then don't wonder why she's not a sex vixen in bed at night. You may have had a chance to rest, but she's exhausted. And since you have done very little to help her all day, do not wonder why she does not have the energy for you. The best aphrodisiac is the husband who says "what can I do to help?" or better yet one who can actually see what needs to be done and actually do it without being asked. I know, that may be asking for too much.
One extra tip. Give affection without any sexual connotations attached. A hug, a snuggle, a kiss, a short back rub. Women need and crave affection. Often more than sex. If you give her the affection she needs without expecting anything in return, she will be more apt to feel affection towards you in the way you need it.
Ok, so hopefully this is not too over whelming or controversial. I know this will not apply to all men. There are some wonderful, sensitive men out there who seem to understand women. This is for those who do not understand women and would like to a little better. I think if more men would read this and take it to heart they would find women crawling out of the wood work to be with them! I'm sure there's a list out there for women too but I can only address this from a woman's point of view. So there you have it. My 7 things I want my son (and all men) to know about women.